Twelve long years ago, I started a business. At first, with my best friend and then latterly, just me. It was a roller-coaster. I did some cool things, I had a following, life was good.
It was hard work but I hustled hard and I loved it.
I worked on it every single day, alongside my day jobs, even when I moved to Thailand. Sometimes whilst I should have been doing other things, like seeing my friends and family and living life and having fun.
After about 9 or 10 years, I began to question what my motivation was. Why was I literally running myself ragged? What was the reward?
I shook it off and rebranded – big mistake. My lofty search engine position was gone overnight. I stopped selling stuff. I handled the rebranding badly, and fell into a bit of a cycle of having great ideas but no enthusiasm, and I guess was a bit business-depressed.
Time went on. I sold less and less. I still had ideas, but I kept them to myself. My confidence in myself and my abilities withered away.I still kept at it though, plugging away making a tiny, tiny profit.
Progress is progress, right? However small the step is. But you know what? I kinda stopped caring about progress. I started to think about freedom instead. And I felt guilty.
I have no idea why I felt guilty. Who was I letting down? No one was picking up what I was putting down, so what was I feeling bad about?
Dear reader, I was afraid of letting myself down. Like somehow I was going to have some sort of internal tussle forevermore with myself.
The third cure for me is immersing myself in water. I talked it over with family and friends, my closest confidantes and the answer seemed so clear.
I had seen this quote a while ago and it stuck in my head, bouncing around the empty walls but it took me nearly 2 years to come to the conclusion that I wasn’t giving up at all. I have simply had enough of this path and wish to find a new one.
Why should I feel like I’m letting myself down? I shouldn’t, so I won’t feel guilty. I will celebrate the 12 years of success and think of all the things I’ve achieved in that time. It’s actually pretty cool to be able to say – I was awesome at what I did, and now I don’t want to do it anymore.
I’m almost at the other side of the bridge already and I’m loving it. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I still panic a little about being bored (ha!) or not sharing my creativity with the world, but then I remember – I AM AN ADULT AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I LIKE.
I can do all of the things.Thanks, tiny potato!
I am so ready for a new challenge and doing things to make myself and my loved ones happy.
Ain’t that the fucking truth?
So, the end is literally nigh. At midnight (GMT) on Tuesday May 31st, 2016, The Bellwether will close its virtual doors and I will give a massive sigh of relief and drink a bucket of wine to toast all that I have done.
And it feels fucking fantastic.
More news shortly on the final month and the treats in store for you, which are many and varied – think major discounts, exclusive never-before-seen items and free shit.
You can find the original sources of all of these images at this Pinterest board.