It’s horrible but I’m going to have to fail you

Following on from mar-c’s blog post about skills she has learned at her current job,  here are the skills omitted from my CV : 

Adept at organising and reorganising stationery on desk

Level 5 Certificate in Fobbing Off Until Next Week

Advanced Diploma in Common Sense – only diploma holder in office

Proficiency Badge in swearing at moronic colleagues under breath (honours in f word usage)

Olympic Gold medal winner in looking busy but actually being on flickr/blogging/surfing web

Highly skilled in staring blankly at screen but managing to look like studying complex spreadsheet

Ability in reading 3 million RSS feeds whilst pretending they are emails unsurpassed

Highly efficient in snacking, both high and low calorie content

Proficiency in chatting on discreet instant messaging

Trainee in sleeping with eyes open – intensive practice underway

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