07.10am Mobile phone alarm starts buzzing (it’s on vibrate under my pillow so as not to disturb Lee if it goes off for work during the nite). Hit snooze.
07.20am Hit snooze again. Dream about my primary 7 class on a bus in a jungle for some odd reason.
07.27am Feel smug that I have managed to get out bed before alarm goes off again.
07.29am Shuffle into shower and breathe large sigh of relief that yesterday’s water pressure issue is fixed and today’s shower is not like a half-dead kitten licking me. I love our shower, it’s powerful but not pummelling.
07.40 am (ish) Lee leaves for work. I shuffle to bedroom and get busy with the hairdryer. Manage not to burn my sausage fingers with my hair straighteners for once.
08.20am After getting ready for work whilst listening to the ahole that is Julyan Sinclair on xFM play the SAME songs as he did every other day for the last hundred years, I pack my lunch and head out the door. Our front door is like Fort Knox, so it takes a good minute or two to get it all locked up.
08.21am Realise my keys look like Battenburg cake with their rubber bits on so I can tell which key is for which door.
08.30am The number 90 bus finally arrives. This runs to a timetable all of it’s own – yesterday I missed it by arriving 5 minutes before the appointed time, today it arrived late – go figure. Today it was full of the usual mix of slightly freaky people and middle aged women, but also with the addition of annoying crying child for a change.
08.50am Arrive in glamorous Maryhill and walk round to next bus stop, opposite which they are building something at an alarmingly fast pace. On to the number 10 bus which has a very nice driver who looks like he actually might be human and is always very polite.
08.58am Get off bus to walk through the tranquil surroundings of the science park to the temple of doom. Someone has cleared up the leaves so it is no longer like walking on a skating rink. The jauntily placed pizza box on the gate has also gone, much to my mild disappointment (I’d had an internal bet with myself that it would be there til Christmas).
09.01am Arrive at work. Open front door and immediately regret not calling in sick/dogging it/stabbing myself in eyes as receptionist bellows at me about getting away early tomorrow and about how evil I generally am. I shout back and storm upstairs in a huff, slamming doors on the way a la spoilt teenager.
09.03am Switch creaky laptop on and log on to s1jobs.com and apply for anything remotely suitable in a bid to get away from this hell hole. Tell colleague that I’ve HAD IT with this place. Eat yoghurt (cherry muller one, nice!).
09.17am Open very long email on a distribution list I am signed up to about domain parking pages. It’s a saga that’s been droning on for literally weeks and I don’t really care about it, but it makes me look busy. Drift into a coma but manage to pull myself back from the light by cracking open a Capri-Sun. Rock and roll!
09.21am Bombard mar-c with 100 msn messages asking WHY WHYYYYYYYY we are here? The answer seems to be that we are not millionaires. Ponder how we can rectify this situation.
09.32am Horrify marceline by suggesting that when we are rich and famous we will dine only on Sanrio characters. I would have Badtz Maru on toast first.
09.30am Happily pass 5 minutes discussing with colleague Derek how I could steal his car, hotwire it and ramraid a post office so he could get the insurance and buy Lee’s car. Decide it would never work as I can’t drive.
09.47am Open email from the improbably named Neick Newman. Instantly regret it as it involves a lot of numbers and not much sense. Hope that the other person the email was sent to will deal with it all and I can then come in and say oh yes, well done.
10.09am Recount this morning’s encounter with receptionist to another colleague who agrees wholeheartedly with my jobhunt.
10.45am Have conversation with several people about dishwasher in canteen. A debate is raging about who’s responsibility it is to switch it on. Resolve the issue by passing it to receptionist to deal with as an act of revenge.
11.29am Awake from coma to ignore call from someone trying to sell me training. Consider jumping off balcony but decide against it for now.
12.03 pm Decide that enough is enough and break for lunch. Lunch today consists of a tin of cock-a-leekie soup, which regular readers will know is my new favourite flavour, with a ready salted crisps chaser. Yes, I r un slacker, as mar-c would say, and could not get it together to make a bagel. Probably just as well as our fridge has gone mental and is freezing everything including chicken and milk.
1215pm Call agency back that left me a voicemail and arrange to stop by and see them on way to dentist this afternoon – ooh.
12.27pm Even tho it is lunchtime, I am browsing the mountain of work email. The other party involved in the Neick Newman affair has deciphered the numbers and done the necessary. I file it away and pretend the whole sorry affair never happened.
12.41pm Decline mar-c’s kind invitation to go for a walk around the perimeter of Castle Greyskull this afternoon as I will be at said dentist appointment.
12.51pm Re-add some vintage aprons to shop that came back from a gallery. On my lunchbreak, work nazis.
12.56pm Realised 2 more things I hate about this world:
- people who say “oh-8-7-zero” -choose either oh or zero.
- miniature hats
13.48pm Submitted article to CraftBoom blog – it filled a half hour. Only an hour or so to go before I leave work for dentist, woo!
14.03pm Read Craft Mafia meeting minutes. I couldn’t go as I had job interview at the improbably time of 8pm. I wonder why they haven’t called yet.
14.07pm mar-c and I rendezvous at my desk for the official unveiling of the pear chocolate she brought back from Japan. It smelt very pear-y and tasted surprisingly nice – a bit like milky bar with a hint of pear.
14.23pm Consider who at the council would be responsible for making sure lollipop ladies do their jobs correctly as the one on Maryhill road REALLY annoys me, as discussed in previous posts. She’s let a childless junkie cross the road one too many times.
14.32pm Brushed teeth in preparation for dentist – does it make any difference I wonder?
14.35pm Tell everyone at work I am GOING TO DENTIST. They think I am skiving. I would rather not be going to dentist as I am supposed to be having a crown removed and replaced.
14.50pm Switch computer off at the mains as it is flaking out. I’ll regret it in the morning, but I am in too much of a hurry for fresh air and daylight to care.
14.52pm Head for bus stop. I feel liberated like I’ve just been released from prison, which is a bit of a metaphor for my actual life I suppose. Catch bus straight away, almost unheard of for these parts.
14.58pm Realise have left ipod on table at home. Decide to make notes in my ideas notebook.
14.59pm Realise that I am an fool as I have no pen with me. Consider biting finger tip off to write in my own blood but decide this is poor etiquette for the #40. Resign myself to staring out the window avoiding eye contact with the hobos and junkies on bus instead.
15.07pm Listen to completely mental woman on bus explain “coloured people” to her small daughter by comparing them to dogs. Man with dog in question backs away slowly. Catch eye of woman across from me who makes face which I read as “shall we go and stoat her head off the window?”. Consider spitting in mental woman’s face, but decide against it.
15.12pm Man with dog tries to get off bus, but mental woman bombards him with questions about his Rotweiller cross. Dog, bored with bus and clearly nervous about his impending visit to vet’s, tries to mount luggage rack.
15.15pm Mental woman gets off bus. Rest of passengers breath sigh of relief. Woman with little girl about 5 years old gets on bus and sit in front of me. They are discussing a recent tour of her primary school. I am agog.
15.17pm Woman in front of me says to little girl “Take that out of your mouth right now, you know the rules”. Wonder what “the rules” are.
15.25pm Inch down Renfield Street on bus. Get off and head for agency.
15.30pm Fill in approximately 17 forms asking the same information. Hand over my provisional driving licence to woman who smirks at it and takes it away to photocopy it/sell it to a Romanian.
15.45pm Speak to recruitment woman about crafts and give her a card for Miso Funky. She says she will spend afternoon looking at website as she is bored at work. Not filling me with confidence. She hands me over to another recruitment woman who tells me about a job which sounds interesting. She says she will put my CV forwards for it. We live in hope that something comes of it.
16.15pm Leave agency and realise I can get bus to dentist from directly outside. Buy Heat magazine from the newsagents next door to pass time at bus stop waiting for the one bus an hour that goes to dentist.
16.18pm Get on bus to dentist, which turns out to be surprisingly incident free. Read Heat magazine, which is full of things about people from TV shows I’ve not seen. Read free sample copy of More magazine, which has really toned down since my day – where is position of the fortnight?!
16.40 pm Arrive at dentist, which is a classy establishment as you can see from the buzzer. I started going to this dentist when I lived round the corner about 7 years ago and for some reason, never moved. I have the waiting room to myself. Ponder why they don’t get rid of the dead plant which has been dead since I started going there.
16.45pm Get into the chair. Promise dentist I will behave myself this time. Him and nurse pretend not to know what I am talking about, but are secretly battening down hatches. They strap on goggles and a lead apron and take x-rays of my mouth. I am sent to waiting room to await my fate.
16.47pm Wonder why Chris Tarrant has not called yet. Surely I didn’t look like that much of a loon on camera? Perhaps I answered too many questions right/wrong?
16.50pm Back in the chair. It is decided that I can live with the crown I have for now. I am so relieved as this has just reduced my bill by about £150. He decides that he should still scale my teeth tho so I have a little bit of pain to remember him by.
16.55pm Out to reception, paying my bill. The girl writes my appointment card for May next year – 12am? I hope she is confused and that I am not really expected to show up at midnite for some sort of sinister nite time dental fest.
17.00pm Out to the mean streets of Pollokshields. Waiting for bus. It’s very cold. The greengrocers across the road looks very inviting, all lit up. Bus arrives pretty soon and head into town.
17.15pm On to #62 bus home. It’s packed full of commuters who just want to get home and not have to ensure the stinky man that is talking to himself and quite possibly peeing his pants at the front.
17.38pm Get off at Partick as realise we have nothing at home for dinner bar some partially frozen chicken roll and the packet of bagels I bought the day before. Head to Safeway as it will always remain in my mind and pick up stuff to make pasta and chickeny thing. Resist temptation to buy some reduced priced donuts.
17.45pm Back outside after whistle stop shopping trip, waiting for bus. In the few minutes I was in shop, it has blown up to gale force winds and it’s started to drizzle. I hate living here sometimes. On to bus as I am too lazy/cold to walk.
17.58pm Off bus and upstairs to flat. Spend 3 minutes trying to get the bleeding door open. Try to reinforce in my head that yellow is for outside like the yellow sun and pink is for inside like pink insides.
18.05pm Decide to start dinner, even though Lee won’t be back til 7ish. It’s chicken with mushrooms, onions, red pepper, sweetcorn and smoked garlic in a tomato sauce. It smells delicious. Leave to simmer whilst I go and do a bit more embroidery and ignore the fact that the flat is a tip and our American relatives are coming round tomorrow nite.
18.35pm Yay, Strictly Come Dancing thing is on TV. Get engrossed in hearing about Penny Lancaster’s issues with the samba. Vaguely wonder what that smell is.
18.37pm Discover that the smell was dinner welding itself to the bottom of our fancy Marks and Spencer wok. Manage to rescue about 2 thirds of it and discard the rest of it in bin after prising it off the bottom. Rinse wok and pretend it did not happen.
18.40pm Locate the Oust air freshener and cover my tracks. Get back to living room in time to miss Gethin and Camilla’s interview. Booo.
19.00pm Lee texts me to say he is stuck in traffic as some inconsiderate buffoon has had an accident on the motorway. Do more embroidery and watch Emmerdale (which features a vicar trying to have it off with his wife in his own house with hilarious consequences) and Coronation Street (gay man fathering baby, near-fatal sibling rivalry).
19.56pm Lee arrives home at last. Make pasta to go with dinner. Discover garlic bread is romantically heart shaped.
20.15pm Finish dinner. Realise that the mountain of washing up really has to be tackled and get on with it. Try to have text conversation with Jo with partially wet paw/nose at same time but give up to concentrate on removing all traces of dinner from the wok.
20.45pm Lee has tidied living room leaving us with messy bedroom to tackle. It’s mostly clothes that we haven’t put away as we both HATE doing that. Get on with it, only stopping to have amusing conversation via the medium of sock puppets. More general tidying ensues.
21.35pm Discover that the chest under window makes a good seat and solves problem of too many cushions (I’ve cheated with second photo and took it in morning as I forgot). Finish tidying and repair to living room. There is nothing on TV as per ususal. Lee declares that he is going to call BT tomorrow and put an end to our no internet at home woes.
22.05pm Still stitching, determined to finish it before I go to bed. Lee retires to the bedroom. I stitch on like an embroidery Joan of Arc through rubbish television and the sweltering heat of the living room as the heating is on full blast.
22.50pm Finish emo-broidery! I am pleased. Fish out frames and other miscellaneous craft items for Jo and put in bag next to handbag so I DO NOT FORGET.
23.10pm Head for bed, looking like death, see above. Good nite!